Well-meaning female empowerment content is like:
"If you want to get shit done then ask a mom to do it"
My take?
No.
Don't be lazy.
You're an adult.
Get your sh*t together.
No woman should have to be anyone's work mom.
As a mom, I notice this weird feeling of needing to prove I'm not a blocker despite the fact I'm a mom. Despite...
To say no to extra work you really shouldn't take on is to say you are not ambitious. Because, after all, how are you supposed to keep up with the childless single man working 60-hour weeks?
It feels like the world wants and expects moms to fail.
I promise this is not a post meant to disempower.
To be honest, I'm not sure where I'm going with these words and I don't have the time to reread and edit to make sure it's all coherent.
Right now, I have about an hour of downtime so there’s no spare time for editing this braindump of words. I just need to put them somewhere.
I also just got my period yesterday for the first time since giving birth. Fucking hell. So yeah, I’ll put a pin in it to maaaaybe edit later when I have to pick between napping, exercising, or editing.
But, let's be real, I won't. I'm too tired and the postpartum brain fog will make me forget unless I tattoo it onto my boobs.
Maybe what's driving me to write is this feeling that we can't win as women. Or maybe it's that I want someone who quit their job and eventually went back into the workforce (or completely pivoted and became a goose farmer) to tell me it gets better.
Yeah that’s partly it. I want to hear success stories from other women but unedited. I don’t want the messy bits of life that seep into work omitted from the story.
Actually, this is too complex to try and neatly package with a beginning middle, and end. My brain has been all over the place so I'll try to turn off my content brain that's itching to edit this later. This current stage of life is messy. It's okay if the words on this page are like the mess in this alphabet pasta soup-esque brain I have right now.
Stay in the workforce and you're a bad mom.
Quit your job and you're a selfish mom.
Before having Hugo, I ate up the super mom narrative. There was something so status-elevating to being busy and taking no help with burnout as a trophy at the end of the tunnel.
Now, I question things like:
- Who came up with this stuff and why?
- What’s the cost of achieving “super mom” status?
- Why is adding more hats and more tasks to a woman’s plate the popular definition of being super?
- Why do men get applauded for doing basic stuff they should be doing anyway like putting a diaper on a baby? Wow, so super...
- Why do I feel like I'm in trouble for writing how I feel and probably many others do? Diana, are you okay? Yeah, I am, I'm just a new mom.
I knew it would be tough but, without being in the trenches of it, there’s no way to fully grasp the unknown of riding this hormonal rollercoaster. Now, so many things pre-baby me thought I would want feel like a puzzle piece that belongs in a different puzzle from a different era.
I don't recognize the fragments of the picture on these pieces and when I look at the box I wonder if I still want to build that puzzle? Is it okay to try a different one? What if I don't even want to build a puzzle and want to go make slime instead?
Every now and then I think about the guy who left after 22 years at Microsoft and became a Goose farmer. I don't know if it's true but it both makes me laugh and it inspires me 😂
This week is my last week of full-time work and I don't have a set date on when I'll return to the workforce.
I don't feel disempowered to be leaving even though in a weird way it feel like some may view it as "oh she failed!"
It feels good to listen to my gut that has been begging me to lean deeper into motherhood. I don't want to be a head of content anymore for now and it's weird because I struggle to accept it but I'm also so ready to log off and go on long morning walks with my beautiful boy, my world, my everything.
I ended up simplifying my decision with this reasoning:
- If I stayed in my job I would regret missing out on ~30% of my son’s life Monday to Friday while he’s with the babysitter
- If I resign, I would not beat myself up in the future for not being available to make more content (I've made enough content for five lifetimes at this point)
When laid out like this it was a no-brainer.
The tough part about this stage isn’t so much leaving my dream job but rather fully giving in to this messy metamorphosis of motherhood that is calling so many things into question. It’s like a mental tug of war. I have also always been so career-driven so I can’t just flick that off temporarily as if there’s a switch.
Maybe someday I'll want to go back to a 9 to 5 role as a head of content, maybe I'll try out freelancing, or maybe I'll go be a forest princess because if you can leave Microsoft to be a goose farmer then anything is possible.
So here I am closing an incredible 5-year chapter with VEED where I joined as the first marketing hire when we were just under $150K ARR. Pre-baby me thought I’d be here at least one more year. Heck, maybe even 5 more years!
I'm just grateful I took the leap when Sabba offered it to me and that the rest of the team there believed in me as well. I joined the company at a time in my life when I really needed a place to prove myself and VEED gave me the space to do just that.
I look at the last 5 years and it feels like 10-years of experience compressed into a 5-year period but in a good way. I'm proud of what we built and I'm proud of myself. I hope my son will also be proud of me and feel extra loved when he asks about my past and knows I chose him and will always choose him.
This little defenseless creature has rocked my world and made me question how I want to redefine the life I want to live and the person I want to be.
So here I go.
I'm taking a break for I'm not sure how long. Maybe a few months.
When I come back, I'll most likely give freelance work a try. But I'm not pressuring myself to have it figured out. I'm not even pressuring myself to explore solely within the realm of content.
My son has also inspired me to be more curious again so that's exactly what I'll be doing.
P.S. At some point I'll probably also write a post on things I learned in the last 5 years at VEED but until then you can read the lessons I documented in this blog.
