I need to vent and put it somewhere for myself and for any other moms in a similar place mentally.
Sometimes I want to tear it all apart.
Start over.
Fuck everything I worked for in my career.
Nobody warned me when I got pregnant that the hormonal ride my body would go on would make me question my entire profession.
It's strange...
I still love content but it doesn't seem to fit in my life the same way.
Thankfully, as a previously dual six-figure income household, I was able to set aside money to afford the privilege of staying home for a bit and being picky in terms of the type of work I don't want to do next. Ugh that sounded cringe but I wanted to be transparent about my financial situation because self-comparison online without details like that can be mind-numbing. I'm not rich but I am comfortable. I don't live beyond my means. I don't have childcare type of money either.
I'm 99.99% sure I don't want a full-time job again unless by some miracle they give one year of paid leave in the Bay Area, fully remote, pay me at least $210K, and have a kick ass product with a kick ass team. The bar is really high when it comes to a full-time gig and it's not coming down.
How about freelancing?
Yeah, I'm entertaining that thought but in between taking my son to swim lessons, playgrounds, supporting with cooking, laundry, and breastfeeding I nearly have to put a time block on my calendar just to remember to shave my neanderthal-like legs during my emotional support shower time. TMI? Whatever. My fellow tired moms will relate 😆
Right now I'm wondering if I'm entering my Etsy artist era or maybe I should start a Colombian coffee pop-up or maybe I should invest in real estate. That's where my brain is at. All over.
But again, with what time would I do anything whether freelance content or something different I apply my content skills to?
I don't want to pretend I know anymore what's next because then I have to act as if I know with certainty that whatever I explore next is my next thing.
Who am I anymore?
What am I clinging on to?
Am I clinging on to a past version of myself?
I'm not sure who I am these days outside of being Hugo's mamá and that's fine. It's a season of life. I know I'll find myself again. But man is it overwhelming. I try to give myself grace and then I find myself researching what I can do to make money next while I'm breastfeeding.
Normally I like to wait to overcome something before sharing but this time that method feels too isolating.
I need mom friends who are in a similar boat, have a sense of humor, are honest about motherhood not always being sunshine and rainbows, aren't mom bloggers, and don't care about astrological sign kind of stuff. Where are my people at?
